As an average Estonian, who’s rather slow and knows at least 10 different ways to cook potatoes, I’ve often thought of, what is it that made me abandon everything I knew and reach out for something unknown. While being on a plane to Jordan, enjoying, what I thought was my last beer in the next six months, I started to repeatedly play these thoughts in my head.
For as long as I know, I’ve always had a dream to live abroad. But life has its own ways, or how people here say – in shallah – and as the years flew by, it seemed even more and more impossible. Besides, I was having a pretty good life in Estonia: I had a challenging work that changed the world in its own way, rather comfy apartment and a loving husband and a lot of good people around me. Of course, as any other European, work really seemed the most important thing in my life, leaving me less and less time for other things I enjoyed. Or at least used to.
Yet, when I got the phone call “Do you want to go to Jordan for the next 6 months?” my first though was “Why not!”. Well, by saying that I found the missing link between me and my dreams.
Of course, there were still many loose ends which didn’t let me to be confident about going to Jordan. After all, I had to reorganize every aspect of my life in Estonia. After a month or so, I started to notice, how everything came together, like puzzle pieces which fitted perfectly. Pausing my life in Estonia seemed to be the only and at the same time – easiest thing to do. And for how long had I thought about it? How many “it’s too difficult to get it done”? At the end, it took only a decision to get it done.
Now, after two months in Jordan, I have no doubt, that it was the one and only thing to do – to make a decision and start working towards it. And for two months I’ve been living my dream. There were moments, where my dream-life had no hot water or no water at all, there were moments, where I lived with 8 people (which is pretty unusual for Estonians who are desperate about their personal space), but it was still a dream-come-true.
And I guess now I understand why I wanted this. Why I was so desperate to get out from my every-day life, do go somewhere, where everything is complete different and strange. Especially, while the whole world tries to convince you, that there’s nothing good in Arab countries.
Well, based on my experience, the world is wrong. I’ve met the kindest people in the world and for the first time in a long time – I’m not overworking or stressing about things that I have no power to change. My mind is busy enjoying life, not thinking how to make more money in shorter time. For the first time in years, I understand that it is okay. It is okay to not worry about what’s coming. And those small obstacles, like having no water or showering with ice-cold water, they made my dream even better! Because they showed me exactly, how less I need and how much I take as granted. It shakes off everything you though you needed, but you don’t, leaving only the true values and beliefs that you carry within your heart. You might think that people don’t need to go to Jordan for that, but apparently they do. Otherwise the safe, everyday routine will get absolutely every piece of you, while making you believe that this was what you wanted from life. But did you?
What I’ve learned? I’ve learned that the moment you decide to reach for your dream, you’ve already done half of the job. What about the other half? Well, it seems like it will get done anyway, whether you do it or not, it will get done.
So, never give up on your dreams, no matter how stupid or silly they seem to be. They’re worth it!
And note: if you’re now thinking that fulfilling your dreams will take too much time… well, time will pass anyway, whether you do something with it or not.
by Keku
European Voluntary Service 